


Sweet Liberty

by opalmatrix



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Ankh-Morpork City Watch, Celebrations, Collection: Purimgifts Day 2, Dessert & Sweets, Gen, Gift Giving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 17:58:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3456524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/opalmatrix/pseuds/opalmatrix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nobby thinks Dorfl's Up to Something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sweet Liberty

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RobberBaroness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobberBaroness/gifts).



At the Watch house in Pseudopolis Yard, Captain Carrot was trying to get the last of the afternoon reports together. His notetaking on Fred Colon's statement was much hampered by the fact that Nobby Nobbs was muttering behind Colon's back.

"I don't like it," Nobby burst out, suddenly and distinctly.

Carrot was rarely sure what Nobby was on about, but he knew that sometimes Nobby Heard Things.

Sometimes, the things were even true. Or once in a great while, useful.

"What's up, Nobby?" asked Carrot.

"That Dorfl," said Nobby, darkly. "He's been askin' around everywhere. People are talking. They say he wants to use an _oven_."

That did seem to be a just a bit unusual. "Maybe he's learning to bake?" asked Carrot.

"You know he don't eat anything, Captain!" Colon burst out. "It's just one of his unnatural ways! Last time them golems wanted an oven, they was making another golem!"

"That was a pottery kiln, wasn't it? Not just an oven."

"Maybe he wants little golems?" suggested Nobby. "It could happen. It's springtime and all. Birds are nesting … ."

"I don't think an regular oven's near hot enough," said Cheery, from the door to the yard. She was dusting down her leather skirt and smelled faintly of sulfur. "As I told the Commander last year, even your average kiln wouldn't be. And anyway, I haven't seen any signs of that Dorfl's feeling fatherly. Or motherly, I guess. but it's hard to tell, with golems."

"Certainly I haven't seen any signs of nest-building," said Carrot. "Was that what you meant, Nobby?"

"Don't want to think about however they … do that, Captain!" said Nobby. "He's — it's just creepy! What's he want with an oven?"

"Well, here he is now," said Carrot. "You could ask him. You know you'd get an honest answer."

The front door swung had open to reveal Dorfl, his arms laden with a huge crate that seemed to be full of little baskets. A smell of spices, fruit, and baking floated into the staff room, with a faint whiff of coal. Carrot raised his eyebrows and looked at Nobby.

"But, but he doesn't eat … !" sputtered Nobby.

"I Do Not," said Dorfl. "But I Am Very Good at Following Instructions, and I Sought Advice. Captain Carrot, Would You Summon the Squad? Including the Commander. I Must Make Presentations."

The baskets proved to be full of all sorts of treats, including three-layer sediment bars for Detritus and Mica in especially stoutly-made baskets*, perfectly circular iced gingernuts, Klatchian honey wafers, Llamedos-cakes, orange djellies, and slices of Muntab seedcake.

"This is delicious!' said Angua, after biting into a three-cornered jam tart. "What's the occasion. Dorfl?"

"This Is a Significant Date."

Commander Vimes swallowed the last of a gingernut. "I thought you told me that either all days were holy or none were."

"I Have Given This Subject Much Thought, Commander. My Conclusion Is That Each Day Is Holy in Its Own Way. But on This Date, One Year Ago, I Became a Free Being."

The Watch considered this for a moment, chewing silently. Then Detritus gave Dorfl a slap on the back that would have felled a fleshier being. "An' dat's de day you signed up wit' us, too, Dorfl!"

"For he's a jolly good … golem!" Colon sang out.

And as one, the Watch joined in, each in its own key.

 

* * *

* Dorfl had logically put these at the bottom of the crate.

**Author's Note:**

> Image sources, all on Flickr under Creative Commons: [CliffMuller](https://www.flickr.com/photos/cliff_robin/) (orange jellies), [Maria](https://www.flickr.com/photos/cloud9point1/) (gingernuts), [Distopiandreamgirl ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/probonobaker/) (tarts), [Squeakychu](https://www.flickr.com/photos/squeakychu/) (hamantaschen), [Henry Cooksey](Henry%20Cooksey) (Battenburg cake).


End file.
